The Friendship Prescription: What Dan Buettner has Taught Me About Aging Well
I got a text last month from a friend I hadn’t heard from in almost a year. Not because anything happened between us,nothing had. Life just got in the way, the way it does now in a way it never used to.
That’s the thing nobody warns you about turning 60 and beyond. It’s not that you stop making friends. It’s that friendship stops happening to you and starts requiring you to put some effort into maintaining it. No more office hallway. No more school pickup line. No more built-in proximity that turns acquaintances into people who know your whole story. If you want close friends after 60, you have to work at it. It turns out that “that” work might be doing more for your health than all of your supplements.
Do you follow Dan Buettner ? I’ve been a longtime admirer of Dan Buettner’s work, and the more I dig into it, the more convinced I am that friendship isn’t a nice-to-have in this chapter. It’s mandatory medicine for aging well. Let’s chat about The Friendship Prescription: What Dan Buettner has Taught Me About Aging Well.
The Man Who Studied the World’s Longest-Lived People
Buettner spent years doing something most of us never think about: he went looking for the places on Earth where people routinely live active, healthy lives well past 90 and 100, and then asked why. He labeled these places the Blue Zones. Places like Okinawa, Sardinia, Nicoya, Icaria, Loma Linda and more, and instead of guessing at the answer, he built a research team to find the actual common denominators.
Diet mattered. Movement mattered. But one thread ran through every single Blue Zone, and it wasn’t kale.
It was friendship, specifically, the structured, lifelong kind. In Okinawa, they call it a “moai”: a circle of about five friends, formed early in life, who commit to each other for the rest of it. Financially, emotionally, practically and for life. Buettner has been direct about what this means for the rest of us who don’t have a built-in “moai” waiting for us in adulthood. His advice is to focus on three to five real-world friends rather than the hundreds of Facebook connections most of us mistake for a social life. In his words, curating your immediate social network is one of the most powerful things you can do to add healthy years to your life.
Here’s what I love about Buettner: he actually lives this. He doesn’t just research it. He lives in Miami, and by his own account, he eats out almost every night, not because he can’t cook, but because dinner is where the friendship happens. He eats well the rest of the time, plant-forward, mostly whole foods. But the social part of the equation isn’t a footnote to the healthy eating, in his view, it carries equal weight. He’s also refreshingly honest that a glass of wine or two most nights isn’t the enemy people think it is, as long as it’s the kind you’re sipping slowly across a table with people you love, not the kind you’re drinking alone in front of the tv. That’s exactly the distinction I’d make too, and it’s nice to have Dan Buettner backing me up on it.
What Loneliness Actually Costs
Dan says that having close friends adds eight years to your life, but it’s lonliness that’s been shown to shorten life expectancy by roughly eight years. Same size number, opposite direction. The distinction matters: this isn’t about racking up friends like frequent flyer miles. It’s about not letting yourself go without the handful of people who are your people, whether you have known them a lifetime, or recently.
The research doesn’t stop with Buettner. The Harvard Study of Adult Development (one of the longest-running studies of human life ever conducted) followed people for over eighty years and came to a similarly unglamorous conclusion: the single greatest predictor of health and happiness in old age wasn’t money, fame, or even genetics. It was the quality of a person’s relationships. How about those apples?
The size of the friend group is unimportant, the quality is. Which, if you’re the sort of woman who has quietly worried that she doesn’t have enough friends, or the “right kind” of active social calendar, you need to let that go right now. Three to five people who show up for you isn’t a consolation prize. According to the people who’ve actually studied this, it’s the whole ballgame.
Why This Gets Harder Right When It Matters Most
Nobody tells you that the years when friendship becomes most protective for your health are the same years it becomes hardest to maintain.
Friends retire and move to be near grandchildren three states away. Spouses get sick, or don’t make it, and the friendship that was really a couple-friendship quietly dissolves. Some friends simply stop reaching out, and you’re left wondering if it was something you did. And some friends, sadly, aren’t here anymore at all.
I have a lifelong friend who lives in Florida , and in our later years, we have never let more than a few weeks go by without talking. That’s not an accident. That’s a choice we’ve both made, over and over, without ever really discussing it out loud. But I’ll be honest…she’s the exception, not the rule. There are a handful of women who were enormously important to me at different points in my life who moved away, and somewhere along the way, the calls got further apart, and then they mostly stopped. Not from any falling out. Just from distance doing what distance does. I think about them more than I reach out to them, which is exactly the kind of quiet failure Buettner would tell you to fix.
The flip side is this: since Steve and I moved to Paso four years ago, I’ve made real friends here. They aren’t just friendly acquaintances, but actual friends, the kind who’d show up if I called at an inconvenient hour. I didn’t expect that at this stage of life. I assumed my closest friendships were already made, fixed, done. They weren’t.
This is the part of aging nobody puts on a greeting card, and it’s exactly why I don’t think this subject gets nearly enough honest airtime. We talk endlessly about skin care and joint supplements and hair color as we age. We talk far less about the fact that the single most protective thing for your health after 60 is also the thing that requires the most deliberate effort to hold onto.
What Curating Your Social Network Actually Looks Like
Buettner’s advice sounds simple doesn’t it? Three to five real friends, how hard is that? Simple isn’t the same as easy. Here’s what it actually looks like in practice, not the greeting-card version:
My friend Wren and I meet monthly for lunch. If one of us forgets the other reaches out. Waiting for friendship to happen organically is how it quietly disappears in this chapter. The women I know who’ve kept their close friendships intact are the ones who put it on the calendar like anything else that matters.
Have you heard the quote “it’s the friend you text first, not last”. There’s usually one or two people in your life who get the real update before anyone else does, the biopsy result, the good news, the thing you’re actually scared of. If you don’t have that person right now, that’s worth noticing. It’s also completely fixable, at any age.
Make new friends and quit apologizing for the lack of them. One of the quieter surprises of this chapter is that some of my most important friendships are recent. They aren’t lifelong. My friend Freddie fed our cat for almost a week when our cat sitter took off while we were on vacation. She shows up with homebaked goodies and vegetables from her garden more times than I can count.
We have couples friends with whom we enjoy wine events and dinners out. There’s a myth that adult friendship-making stops being possible after a certain age. It doesn’t. It just requires showing up somewhere more than once.
“It’s built around doing something, not just talking.” Buettner has pointed out that in the Blue Zones, friendship rarely looks like sitting across a table staring at phones. It looks like walking together, cooking together, tending a garden side by side or sharing a glass of wine at the end of the day.
There’s wisdom in that. The friendships I’ve kept longest aren’t the ones sustained by the occasional long phone call. They’re the ones built around a shared activity — a standing walk, a regular meal, working on something together — because the friendship gets to happen *inside* something else, instead of needing its own separate slot on the calendar. If you want a friendship to last, give it a job to do.
“It’s not limiting yourself to your own generation.” One of the quieter lessons from the Blue Zones is how much they blur the lines between age groups. Grandparents are woven into daily household life, elders are still teaching and mentoring well into their 90s. It’s worth asking yourself whether your own closest circle skews entirely toward people your age. Some of the most energizing relationships I have are with women a decade or two on either side of me. You lose something when friendship becomes age-segregated.
The Chapter You’ve Earned Includes This
I think about our roses sometimes when I think about friendship. The ones that thrive aren’t the ones I planted and forgot, but the ones I regularly deadhead, feed and pay attention to. Friendship after 60 works the same way. It doesn’t maintain itself on nostalgia. It needs tending, the same as anything living and worth keeping.
Buettner didn’t set out to study happiness. He set out to study longevity with hard data, blood pressure, mortality tables and the like. What he found, again and again, in every Blue Zone on Earth, was that the people living the longest, healthiest lives weren’t doing so alone. They’d built their “moai”. They’d curated their three to five.
The chapter you’ve earned isn’t just about wearing what you want and refusing to be invisible, even thoughI love that. It’s also about deciding, on purpose, who gets to be in the room with you for the rest of it. According to the man who studied the longest-lived people on the planet, it might be the single most important decision you make.
Call the friend. Make the plan. Curate the “moai”. Your future self, the one still gardening, exploring, or dancing at 90 is counting on it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Let’s get the conversation going.
You can follow Dan Buettner on his website here, and on Instagram here.
You can find all of Dan’s Blue Zone’s books on Amazon here, or on Barnes and Noble here.
Further reading on the blog:
The Power of Mindset, Lifestyle, and Creativity after 60
Thank you for this! It really spoke to me, having just reached 74 years, as to how my friends are sustenance. I find I have categories of friends with one or two in a category that are ‘real’ friends, the kind with whom you can really communicate and expose your inner self. There is a small amount of cross-over among group friends, all being invited to an annual holiday get-together for instance. But for the most part it’s as though each provides a different ‘nutrient’ for my soul. Your article gives me hope that as long as I continue to make the effort to keep these friendships alive, I myself can thrive.
Thank you, Cindy, for another wonderful article. It really resonated with me. I have a handful of friends whom I adore, even though we don’t get to spend as much time together as I’d like. Your post is a wonderful reminder that friendships don’t maintain themselves, they take intention and nurturing, especially as we get older, which is a great reminder for me to make some calls. 🙂
Moving closer to my family has also made a tremendous difference in my sense of belonging and overall happiness. And I do think many women benefit from having close friends we can confide in and share our joys and challenges with. Those deep connections are such a gift.
Thank you for always giving us something meaningful to think about. I never miss your inspiring posts! ❤️
Hi Kelli
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. We have to keep working on everything as we age, don’t we?
Hi Kelli
‘
Thank you for weighing in…I couldn’t agree more.
Hi Cindy,
I’ve been part of your following for a short time now and have avidly read your posts on aging well, best skin care and home style. This post was by far my most favorite. I rarely chime in with reply posts but this one deserves a shout out from me. I am an avid curator of my “blue zone” after reading about this fascinating study. I come from an Italian family so this type of living was sort of “built-in”. We always had someone staying with us or bringing us food or just visiting. I am now turning 70 this year and I decided to let my daughter throw me a party -not to celebrate me, but to celebrate the deep friendships I have been blessed to enjoy. You have stated so well in this post my thoughts and I may just steal a line or two when I thank my guests in a few weeks. Thank you for posting this jewel of information. I think that if we knew each other we would be “blue zone” friends.
Hi Nina
What a lovely comment-we for sure would be “blue-zone” friends! And welcome to the wonderful 70’s!!
I’m reaching out to two old friends today! Thanks for the nudge! We’ve moved to a new area to be closer to grandkids and creating a circle of friends has been a top priority. But it’s not as easy as it used to be. Thanks for the encouragement.
Hi Diane
As I said we are considering a move to be nearer to our kids in the not so distant future as well. We were so lucky to move here where people are so open to new friendships. Fingers crossed for the next one!!
My three friends and I had great discussions about this today. I called one that I talk to daily and a dear friend I also love that had a terrible day and is getting over bronchitis. So I listened and I hope she feels better soon. The three of us plan a cookies and ice tea at my house the first week of August! My husband is my third friend and is loved by my friends as well. I’m 81 and disabled with Rheumatoid Arthritis and hEDS. I no longer drive and am an introvert so my friends come to me. But I must invite them. It is too easy to let the days pass.
Hi Sydney
You are an inspiration to all of us! I have a friend who wears braces on her legs, plans multiple parties, and never misses out on a thing. She is my hero!!
Fabulous article! Read you regularly but this one tops them all. I am lucky enough to have a group of GNO (girls night out) since we were in our 20s now 60s and 70s. We moved to SC then back to Tn and added more friends to my husband and mines circle. I don’t know what I would do without my circle ! My wish is for all to have such.
Hi Renee
Thank you so much for sharing and joining the conversation!
A very thoughtful post about friendships and ageing. My friendships are divided into the stages of my life, school, nursing, living in London, joining the RAAF, and a decade living in Saudi Arabia, then returning to my hometown after 25 years living elsewhere. But, like others here, a flurry of letters turn to Christmas cards and then dwindle to nothing, because your life moves on and the things you once had in common with those friends disappear. I think it is different for those who never move from their hometown, because your lives are still entwined to a degree. I have a handful of friends from my last job (prior to retiring) and we catch up regularly, but as much as we laugh and have a good time, I am of the mind that friendships are pretty fragile arrangements
Hi Susan
Interesting commentary. It is a real challenge, making new friends while keeping the old ones alive. Steve and I are lucky that we both come from the same small town, and we’ve held onto a few of those friendships all these years. But even those take real effort now. Nothing stays easy just because it’s old.
Hi Cindy.
So you don’t think I am a curmudgeon when it comes to friends I have kept in contact with two of the girls from Riyadh. We are catching up in Italy next March for my birthday as I was unable to attend the wedding when one of them recently married. Haven’t seen them for close to 30 years. Am very excited. Sorry to monopolise your time with my long posts
Hi Susan
Hooray that sounds like such fun! Please don’t ever think your comments are too long…
Cindy, this post is my favorite of all! It touched me deeply and I’m encouraged to call a few of my dear friends in L.A. who I miss so much since moving to the Bay Area a few years ago. What you have written is so important. Thank you!
Peggy G.
Hi Peggy
Dan Buettner was my inspiration. His research is fascinating.
Oh, Cindy! This was such a timely message for me! I’m 75 years old and I have 4 close friends that I have cherished over the last 50+ years(one I met @ 3 yr old!) Another more recent friend that I dearly loved passed last month. I have lost friends after a divorce a, gained a few over time. We outgrow some friendships. I would rather have a handful of true friends than many fair weather friends!
I feel blessed to know these women and to be called their friend-I’d be lost without them.
Pat S.
Hi Pat
Thank you so much for sharing
Hi Pat
Thanks so much for weighing in. I am so sorry about the loss of your friends.Friends are so important!
I love this post but it really makes me miss seeing you in PERSON, Cindy.
It’s funny as I was looking at one of Pat’s paintings this morning and emailed her to check in on her.
We need to plan our next meeting…and until then at least a phone call.
Hi Mary Ann
Agree!! So glad you checked in with Pat. I had a long conversation with her this morning. She is weathering a tough time in her life.
The points he makes are interesting. But I think of my weeks-off-90 mother, who for the last 5-6 years of her life, was the last one standing. Her family was everything to her because her friends had all passed away and yet Buettner never once mentioned that possible scenario. Think of an elder who is left, family living far way, and who may no longer be a member of ‘groups’ which were so enlivening in their 60’s and early 70’s. It rather nullifies the power of friendship for longevity in western society.
I think one changes and develops as one ages, therefore friendships change and develop. I do like the idea of ‘you can count the best friends on the fingers of one hand’. Yes to that. But you can’t dictate such things and assume that if you don’t have five friends then a short life will follow. It’s not that black and white.
I think the best philosophy if just to be mellow about life and appreciate it in all its beauty. Sometimes, seeing heavens spread out above and the ocean gleaming over the side of the boat beats anything and makes me glad to have lived to my mid-70’s to see it. Funnily, that doesn’t involve having five friends…
Thank you. This was so well said.
And I think of all the older people who can no longer drive and live in suburbs or semi rural communities. It limits their ability to connect with old friends or meet new ones.
That’s such an important point, and one that doesn’t always get enough attention. Losing the ability to drive can be as isolating as losing a friend, can’t it? It quietly cuts people off from the connection we all agree matters most. Buettner’s research leans heavily on communities where friends are a short walk away, which just isn’t the reality for most older adults in suburban or rural America. I guess that is why they are the “blue zones” and rural America is not.
Hi Prue
To be fair to Buettner, he has always said there is no “silver bullet” just a lot of small factors working together friendship being just one piece. What you have pointed out friendship changes shape as we do. For some, in the end, it looks like family, or solitude, or exactly what you describe — the ocean, the sky, and gladness for having lived long enough to see it.
I love “count your best friends on one hand” too, but you’re right that five isn’t a magic number and zero doesn’t mean doom. Thank you for your thoughtful perspective as always.
Cindy,
I love this post. I’ve never been one to have a lot of friends. Recently I read a book that explains why – I’m an Otrovert. Anyway, learning why I’m the way I am. I have found it very difficult to make new friends. It seems like most friend groups don’t want to make room for more. I do have a few good friends (one lives on the other side of the country but we talk every few weeks). Thanks for the post. I will keep trying and hopefully have success.
Hi Alison
I understand what you are saying. We lived in an area before we moved here where I felt the same way…they had their friends and weren’t that interested in meeting new ones. This area is completely different people come from everywhere and are delighted to meet new people. Keep trying to break that glass ceiling.
Cindy,
This was such a wonderful message today. As I get older, I find I need to be more “intentional” about eating, exercise, AND social interactions, otherwise it’s easy to just to say no and lay on the couch! We’ve had a WEEKLY dinner group for 15 years that I treasure. We rotate houses, have a drink, a simple meal, chat about the week and the news. In and out in 2 hours, on a Tuesday or Wednesday night, whatever works for the week. The one member who doesn’t cook hosts at a restaurant every few weeks. Another friend is great about setting up our lunch dates at least every 2 weeks with our high school friend who has early dementia, and whose husband appreciates the break. Our circle has endured the loss of a child, loss of a spouse, kids’ divorces, and a whole host of health problems as aging does. But we hold each other up with love, laughter and understanding. What a gift!
Oh my gosh Cathy you are the person who is living what we all hope to.Thank you so much for sharing.LOVE THIS!
Cindy, this is such an appropriate topic…thx for it. Due to a grey divorce and downsizing to a very different home , even though I moved just 10 minutes away, someone I counted on for walks and a good gab over some lunch , dropped me . I was in transition then and feeling particularly vulnerable . It was such a shock but also a learning experience. Sometimes the ties you assume are strong break without warning.
But interestingly, my new closest friends are both women who, like me, have also made radical life decisions and landed just fine . One is 63 and working locally, having moved away from an emotionally abusive partner , and the other is a recent widow who lives with her horses and dogs on an acreage nearby and is mid seventies like me. I find they both give me support, as I do them, and are very different women. Walks in the forests or along the seaside here , a coffee or perhaps a meal at my table , and great conversations are so enjoyed separately with each one. I feel so fortunate .
Oh Cath you always hit the nail on the nose as my contractor husband would say. Why did your lifelong friend drop you? For whatever reason she is no longer your person, but it is so sad to give that up isn’t it? You of course in Cath style moved on and found new friends to fit that void. You are amazeballs that is all I can say..as are so many of you amazing readers…
Cindy…I think I became ‘inconvenient’ to that friend , who was actually a new companion
I met ,once my husband and I moved to Vancouver Island for retirement . Not a long relationship, but nevertheless , a very enjoyable one. Like so many our age, I have other longer relationships that I have kept up, made over the course of my life…high school, university, new motherhood, jobs etc . Because I was the one who moved away for about 25 years to another province, it was up to me to keep the relationships going. I was able to visit periodically and meet up with them , and I had overnights with each one around the Vancouver area. Such fun! Some connections have dwindled for all the reasons your readers have said, but others are stronger due to our age , intentions to continue, and lives shared.
Hi Cath
I think Buettner’s advice just reminded me to be more present in others lives.
Cath
Thank you for sharing about the struggle to maintain friendships and the power of making new ones.There is much food for thought here.
This was a wake up call to spend more time with friends. Love that picture of you with tia and mary ann.
OMG pal that is an old one at my daughter Jenna’s shower for our now darling granddaughter Summer. Mary Ann lived in SF we were probably newish friends at that point. Mary Ann is such a treasured friend. She has tons of friends. I am lucky to be one of the pack!
Hi Cindy,
I really enjoyed this post on friendship it has totally added to my life. I always enjoy what you share. This is my type of share. I want to learn from others and what is in their hearts and what goes on in their souls. I have never heard of Dan, I’m going to check him out. He has his cookies together.
I’m going to share a thought I have after reading and scanning some responses from your friends today.
ATTENTION- Arizona Ladies 😊 I live in Arizona too. Holly & Anna Bigano I would love to meet up with you both if you are interested. I tend to hide out in our air conditioned home. Once the oppressive heat is gone would you like for us to get together? I get along well with just about everyone and always find my comfort zone even with strangers. If you are interested please text me. Katherine Allan, 602-402-3414 angelkat1@icloud.com. Looking forward to hearing from you. Have a great week.
Thanks again Cindy. So enjoyed the pics that you shared. All beautiful ladies. I can see you collect friends. 😊 A great thing to collect.
I lost my best( new ) friend 2 years ago to cancer and the same month after not hearing anything for weeks I found out my best( old) friend from childhood was placed in memory care. I’m one of those that has a small circle but it was a tight circle . You didn’t mention Covid and it’s toll it took on friends…and then the political climate..though the best of friends keep their political preferences to themselves…it’s VERY HARD navigating with those that live advocating the toxic views of the current system.
This happened to a group I worked and retired with. Some of us still plan to meet but decide not to participate if “toxic “ will be there… I guess that is a Social Stressor that one of your readers mentioned.
I have 2 of Dan’s books. He’s interesting and handsome 2 nice qualities!
Great article Cindy !
Hi PJ
Do you have his cookbook? I am thinking about purchasing. I love what he eats for breakfast everyday. I am not a traditional breakfast food person.
I had a great friend from highschool that because of distance (I moved 1000 miles away) we didn’t see one another very often. Talked and wrote to one another through the years. Finally, it was just Christmas cards with family updates. And then that even stopped. No reason, I guess just life happened. I learned last year she died from Alzheimer’s. It broke my heart. Your post just brought it all back.
Hi Lindsay
I am so sorry to hear that. I try and listen to Dan Buettner and others when I have a chance. Sometimes we need a little nudge to realize the importance of maintaining connections.
Cindy, great article on friendship and so true. I lost my best friend of over 50 years last year and 6 months later my husband also died. Its time like that where “true” friends show up. I am blessed with a small circle of girlfriends that we get together either weekly or sometimes monthly. It makes all the difference in the world. It’s also interesting how the friendships you once had as a “couple” change.
Thanks for your wonderful posts. They are all so interesting and I can relate to them, unlike so many others that are not relevant to those of us in this season of life.. Carole
Hi Carole
I’m so sorry for the losses you’ve carried this past year. Losing your best friend of fifty years and your husband within six months of each other is an enormous amount of grief to bear.What you said about true friends showing up says it all. You’re right about couple friendships changing to, it’s kind of a quiet loss that’s not talked about enough. Thank you for reading and for being so open here.
Dear Cindy! This is by far one of your most powerful posts.. As I was reading it, people came to mind that have always been there for me and vice versa. Long time friendships that have been nurtured and cherished. Like you, we moved full time to Arizona a few years ago -we’ve made many new friends that we enjoy socially while spending time about the meaning of life and how important it is to embrace “The Back Nine” as we call it! Staying active, eating well and looking out for each other. It’s important to make the effort to reach out and tell your friends how much you love them! Thank you so much! Anna in Arizona
Hi Anna
Keep embracing “the back nine” and sharing your thoughtful comments here.Reading through these comments has reminded me, once again, that the real heart of this blog isn’t anything I write,it continues to be what all of you amazing women bring to it.
Thank you for reminding us about an important component of aging well. So many of my friends have moved and a couple have even passed away so I’m always thankful for new friendships. One of my friends is still a working woman so as much as I love getting together with her, I don’t want to bug her for finding time. Maybe I do let her be the one to initiate more than I do because of that. My daughter-in-law gave me the Blue Zones Kitchen at Christmas 6 years ago but I had no idea how good looking Dan Buettner is! His theory is worth studying.
Keep bugging “that friend” she values your friendship more than you know, and she needs to get out from behind her computer more!
Cindy ~ I am so grateful you have written this. Having moved to Arizona and leaving my moai behind in Southern California. While we continue to phone chat regularly, it is not the same or enough, so I have felt adrift. Your post is the best reminder to get paddling my boat towards new friends that may become as cherished as those from my previous life. You have inspired me, and I cannot thank you enough.
Hi Holly
I have no doubt you will find your new “moai”, and remember you always have a “moai” here.
I am amazed that you continually come up with pertinent subjects to talk about, and I thank you for what you do!
If there is one thing I learned from going through several relocations for my late husband’s job, it’s that you have to “put yourself out there”! Friendships usually just don’t happen. You need to join things, whether it is social organizations, charity work, classes or hobbies. And if I hadn’t done that, I don’t know how I would have gotten through becoming a widow at age 60. I try to tell my daughters the same thing- their circle of friends is very important!
Hi Joan
Great point…This whole conversation is hitting close to home for me right now. Steve and I are considering a move in the not-too-distant future, to be closer to our granddaughter — and if I’m honest, the thing weighing on me most isn’t the house or the logistics. It’s leaving the “moai”we’ve built here. Moving to a new place again is a challenge. But here’s something interesting: a woman I met in the area we’re considering recently reached out and asked if I’d speak to a group of women there about exactly the things we talk about here on the blog — friendship, fashion,aging intentionally, this whole season of life. I wonder if that’s exactly how new “moais” get built — not by searching them out, but by showing up and letting connection find you through the things you already care about.
Cindy, I think you are right! Showing up is half the battle! I’ll be watching your journey with interest!
Thanks Joan!
Friendship is so important and it does take some effort as we age. My mother-in-law would always encourage us to nurture relationships with people of all ages because at some point everyone your own age will be gone. She lived by that practice and we are trying to as well. After my father died, my mother sought out friendship with people in her church to keep her active and living a good life. They were both good role models and lived to be 100 years! Thank you for addressing this topic.
Hi Harriet
Thank you so much for sharing Harriet. Some of the best relationships I have are with women a decade or two on either side of me. But I’d push this further than just age. I want friends of different colors, different backgrounds, different politics, different ways of seeing the world. Not only people who nod along with everything I already think. Some of my most valuable friendships are with people who see things completely differently than I do, and I’ve learned more from our disagreements than from any conversation where we simply agreed with each other.
So well said. I like all your posts, Cindy, but I especially love this one. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Hi Laura
I just love Dan Buettner. I look forward every day to his instagram posts….always enlightening…
So smart to do a post about friendship at our age. Yes, we have new obstacles to getting together with friends, plus we begin to lose them to a move , or to be closer to their grown children, even death. I’ve lost two of my oldest friends in the world in the last year, and I feel it. xoxox, Brenda
Hi Brenda
It is rough isn’t it? When we moved from Monterey County it wasn’t that difficult because so many of our friends had either moved away or passed away. I am a firm believer in being open to new possibilities and friendships.
Some of my best friends are ten to six years younger than me, and they have kept me young! They include me in a lot of activities and I try to keep up and mostly do. I’m eighty and have done and gone places others my age would would never think of!
Hi Alice
You are my girl! I hope my friend Wren will chime in today. She has found a circle of friends younger than herself as well.
Yes, I’ve been “adopted” by a lively group of younger women at my church. I feel so honored and I don’t even understand why ME? It gives me a refreshing way to look at things when they are still having babies and raising families, even just getting married for the first time. All of that is fun to live vicariously!
Hi Wren
You are young at heart!! That’s why you are so much fun!
Peasant food. Loved his cookbooks. Social Stress developed in the later years. Would have never guessed that would happen. Anyone else deal with that?
Hi Lynne
I am so glad you brought that up. Do you think that would be a good topic to explore?
I love this topic! I am an introvert but close friends are very important to me. I take inspiration from my 97 year old friend who lives alone ( with some caregivers) but decided to arrange a monthly chat group, as she calls it, in her home to make sure she gets time with friends. Most of my closest friends have indeed moved away but we still share in depth and frequently over the phone. I have made new ones in our new neighborhood and consider my step daughter as one of my closest friends. Good medicine indeed!
Hi Penelope
Your 97 year old friend sounds wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing…
An absolute wonderful post; thank you!
Hi Debra
I am so glad you enjoyed it!
As a Lifestyle Medicine Advisor living near London, England, thank you for sharing the wisdom of DB and your insights. I also advocate music and dance as a lifestyle medicine prescription, fun too, as we age gratefully. Thank you, Cindy.
Hi Sarah
I would love to hear more about your observations on how music and dance are equally important as a “lifestyle medicine perscription”.